And here it comes again. It seems like no matter what the weather is, I blame it partially for my inability to focus. Too sunny - I want to go and enjoy the sunshine, too gloomy - I want to sleep until it gets better. I know the procrastination bug has hit us all, but this has been almost a month now of unproductivity. A MONTH. I feel like I did burn out a bit early this year after realizing how busy the summer will be with a full-time job, summer school and MCAT prep. I just hope that I will feel motivated enough to do other things as well; I miss my high school friends and would like to see them dearly. I haven’t been able to meet them during the school year for one reason or another, and as the months go on the more isolated I feel.
It’s been my second year in university, and I haven’t found those people that I can connect to on an emotional level. Well, maybe two, and I hope those two don’t change face. After seeing the same people from junior high move to high school with me, I saw many drastic changes in people that I never expected. Some affected me, and subsequently forced me to create a wall and have several sets of friends. I compartmentalized my different needs and interests with different people, and floated as need called. It worked (still does), but I’ve been stretched to my limits. I want to find real people. Not machines that are so professional-school focused that they can’t justify taking an afternoon off to do something for fun because they don’t see the relevance of it. Not everything is for the future. If you live in the future, you’re missing the present…and I’ve veered off greatly from my initial thought on burning out. Teehee. But really, ‘premed’ is such a silly term to me. Great, you’ve figured out what you want to do after undergrad, so what? Enjoy those four years, now try out other things while you have the chance. For example, in preparing my timetable for next year, I have 1.0 electives and want to try something else that interests me, like literature. When consulting peers, several suggested not to and instead said to do anatomy because it’s good prep for med curriculum and supposedly you get a credit transfer for human embryo at U of T med? My thinking: if I have to do it in medical school, I’ll leave it until then. I’ve only a few electives remaining and I will make the most of them and enrich myself in other areas. In that way, I’m glad we have the breadth requirement system, although it’s very difficult to find a 200-level+ TBB or SII that doesn’t conflict.
So two issues have arisen: 1) overwhelmed with work, freeze, lag, need to reboot and begin efficient processing mode. 2) limit chilling with premed robots. overexposure will cause immense pain and internal injuries.
Whew, that was a whole lot off my head. Time to begin that essay! Well, journal first, then I’ll get to it…